I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize