last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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