May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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