Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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