The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
