Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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