so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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