Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
