I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
