You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
