So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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