That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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