Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
