Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
