when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was like eating out sand paper
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
