I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
