I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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