my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Houston, we have a blender
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
