I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
