He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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