Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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