I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
