so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
