He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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