I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
