i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize