dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
