just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
