i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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