So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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