I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
