Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
