I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
