I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
