I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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