do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
