are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
