wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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