dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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