I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
