i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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