Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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