Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
