ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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