did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
