I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
