I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm too high and old for this...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
