Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
