no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
