I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
