he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
