we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
