Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
