...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
