I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
