We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize