there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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