mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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