pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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