this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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