I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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