sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
where does the pee come out of this thing
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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