i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
