I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just blew my weed a kiss
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize