please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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