and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
