I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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