Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize