My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
