We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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