I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
