He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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