I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I deserve this hangover.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
