somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
