Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
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