do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
