That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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