Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize