Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
