He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
