I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
