I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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