I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She told me I should be a condom model.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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