her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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