just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize