i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
