He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
