So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
