this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
