Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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